DC Cookie

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Complacency Has Its Limits

When are we in danger of dating complacency kicking in TOO much? For the first few weeks/months of dating someone, we always put our best face (and outfits and behaviour) forward. It's not that we pretend to be someone we're not, but we hold back on revealing some of those quirks that make us unpleasantly unique (aka, less than perfect). We wear makeup and perfume on every date. Our fingernails are always clean. Our toenails are always polished. Our clothes are always laundered and pressed. Our hair is always Aveda-fresh. But this is an impossible status quo to maintain, because technically, it's not the status quo.

For instance, I despise shaving my legs. I'd much rather wax them and keep them soft and clean for weeks at a time. But when I start dating someone, I have to shave every day, god forbid he might think I'm actually comfortable with having a permanent 5 o'clock shadow (which I'm not). Shaving, of course, makes the hair become coarse and thick and just plain nasty. But since I've been shaving daily, I have to keep shaving, despite the fact that the razor is starting to burn me. UGH!

So what happens when you reveal your preferences to your new beau, and also inform him that the waiting period is at least a week? Does this indicate to the man that you've acquiesced to physical apathy? I mean, how is the poor guy supposed to react? With joy? 'Awesome! My girl is turning hippy (or French) on me for a week. HAWT! Maybe I'll grow a beard in support?'

And then what? Should we apologize for these imperfections, and admit we were hiding a truth about ourselves from the beginning? 'I'm sorry I didn't shave today.' Um, actually, no I'm not! I didn't shave because I didn't want to, and in my subconcious I determined that you'd just have to suck it up; because if you really like me, you'll survive the rough spots.

But you really can't adopt that 'whatever, suck it up' attitude with any permanence if you want your man to stick around. Let's take my Mom, for example. In her early 50s, she still moisturizes, waxes, wears makeup, maintains a lean, size 6, 5'9" frame, sleeps in silk and tweezes. Why? Because it doesn't matter how many years you've been married or how many kids you have, it's never cool to 'let yourself go.' Dad's been around for 33 years and counting. He's never had reason to look elsewhere. The way I see it, if one of your imperfections has to rear its ugly head for a short time, step up the presentation of your other attributes. Work out harder, take a longer shower, curl your hair... That way your date doesn't have to fear the bunny-slipper, hair-roller, cotton-nightgown, 300-pound, pasty, droopy-skinned alter ego that he might otherwise believe you're becoming.

26 Comments:

  • At December 14, 2005 12:45 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    Did you get to wax yet?

     
  • At December 14, 2005 1:02 PM, Blogger Linz said…

    no need to "let yourself go"... whatever your beauty regime, i say stick with it. Honestly, i fon't know any guys who would freak if you didn't shave your legs for a week (hell, i NEVER shave my legs every day. Make no apologies and continue being your fabulous self. :o) Keeping up appearances is great if that's who you are. Though, i agree, and little extra effort in that department goes a long way.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 1:04 PM, Blogger webcowgirl said…

    It's winter time..let the Yeti lovemaking begin!
    ;-)

     
  • At December 14, 2005 1:06 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    Kathryn - nope. I have an 8 day trip to LA for Xmas coming up...

     
  • At December 14, 2005 1:43 PM, Blogger Robin said…

    I shave all the time I have never let the hair get long enough to wax...EVER. I can't do it. Not for a guy but for myself. I have a hair problem...I hate it. Even on men I am not a fan of facial hair.
    If shaving is making you uncomfortable have you tried the veet? It works better than nair but I still shaved over it. Why, beacuse I am coo coo! :o)
    Good luck sister!

     
  • At December 14, 2005 2:18 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    I'm seriously debating laser removal...'cause yes, hair is nasty as shit (well, anywhere below the eyebrows in front or the neckline in back)

     
  • At December 14, 2005 2:21 PM, Blogger webcowgirl said…

    Mine has gotten a little wild & wooly from time to time. D, doesn't seem to care. He just likes to check in from time to time to see if the hamsters (aka pits) have been murdered this week.
    :)

     
  • At December 14, 2005 2:22 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said…

    Sometimes I think men don't have a clue, unless they are married or living with someone, about what women go through to keep it all together, appearance-wise: Hair, skin, makeup, nails, waxings, facials...it all adds up. I have a friend Susan who showed up once fresh from her haircut and announced, "Maintenance is expensive."

     
  • At December 14, 2005 3:37 PM, Blogger Chewbacca said…

    Silly canadian rabbit,

    wookies dont shave!

     
  • At December 14, 2005 3:43 PM, Blogger always write said…

    I WISH I could afford to laser myself from pits to ankles. How much sweeter life would be. But until I win the lottery, there's only so much time and cash I'll devote to grooming. Any guy who'd dump you for a little fuzz on the legs is the type who's looking for a Playboy model. In the long run you'd never be able to make him happy anyway.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I told my girl exactly the same thing- how guys tend to be on their best behavior for the first 10 year or so. And she goes, "Best behavior?! If this is you at your best, I don't want to see your worst" or something to that effect.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:00 PM, Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said…

    Funny, I've always heard that shaving makes the hair thicker, but it never has done that to me. I shave every single freaking day - no shaving cream, no soap - because if I miss a day, my skin protests when I start back up again. As long as it's a daily occurrence, my skin seems to stay placid. The silly thing is that I'm pretty blonde down there, and don't even need to do it in the first place. I love that silky smooth feeling, though!

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:02 PM, Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said…

    Oh - as far as the "revealing yourself" bit goes, I agree that it's important to not let yourself go. But even those of us who are fastidious groomers have our off days! My rule of thumb- if he thinks I'm cute in my glasses, or has ever said, "You look so much nicer without all that makeup," then he's prolly a keeper.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:02 PM, Blogger Complacent Chase said…

    I happily go a week (or sometimes two in the winter) without shaving my legs. I'm with AlwaysWrite, if a man leaves you because you neglect to shave your legs for a week...then he is better off gone.
    When I lived with my boyfriend, he saw me in all stages of "undone". I think it was a little comforting to him that I was so "maintained" all the time. When I would give myself a facial or a day of pampering...he loved it! He would also participate (he would kill me for telling that)! He has even shaved my legs for me and washed my hair. I loved it!

    I think most men know that women don't wake up fully "done". I think if you and your man are truly comfortable with each other then you don't have to always look "done up" and he will even appreciate the "low-key" you.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:04 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    1. My wife doesn't think I possess a "best" behavior. For the life of me, I cannot imagine why...

    2. I heart Aveda product because they are all natural. Oh, and sooooo cheap. I cry when that word is spoken...

    3. Just wait for the first sign of his guard dropping, the introduction of something about himself he desparately tries to keep off of your radar screen - or your period, to do the with-sweat-pants-on-he-won't-know-the-difference leg hair experiment.

    I don't know what's funnier, you writing about it or us contemplating it...

    For more on complacency see the link below, I wrote the book on it.

    http://theoriginalpseudointellect.blogspot.com/2005/12/table-saws-and-mondays-always-get-me.html

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:25 PM, Blogger roosh said…

    Hair getting thick when you shave it is just a myth. Otherwise men would have copper wire coming out of their face.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 4:28 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    DCB, technically, you are correct. However...when you wax, the hair stops growing back at all. If you shave, it's like you might as well have not bothered starting to wax in the first place. I believe that was my actual point.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 5:55 PM, Anonymous Wiz said…

    What? No pictures? This blog is useless without pictures.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 7:03 PM, Anonymous dcdramagrrls said…

    you said it! where was this post this morning when I was having the - to shave or not to shave delimea - when I'm just a few days from the waxing apointment.

    I made a bad decision. Didnt shave, but, then, cancelled my date tonight so I wouldnt have to explain why I was a yeti. He's not happy about my last minute cancel - I should have been honest. or..shaved. I dunno. Its a rough call

     
  • At December 14, 2005 7:15 PM, Blogger Velvet said…

    Yep, there's NO WAY possible that taking a razor to the surface of your skin and shaving it off would affect the hair follicles below the surface of the skin, telling the, "Multiply and thicken my pretties!" Definitely an old wives tale from some lady who didn't want her daughter to shave.

     
  • At December 14, 2005 8:53 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said…

    Well just think about all that men "let go" after the first few dates/weeks...it's probably worse compared to not shaving a few days here and there.

     
  • At December 15, 2005 1:38 AM, Blogger Namaste said…

    Amen.

    If you don't feed your dog, someone else will...

     
  • At December 15, 2005 1:45 AM, Blogger the kitchenette said…

    This is like an essay version of Post Secret. Actually, your whole blog is racy and upbeat like that. No wonder people can't get enough of you, cookie!

     
  • At December 15, 2005 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'll venture that the complacency began with that now famous toot.

     
  • At December 15, 2005 11:30 AM, Blogger The Boy said…

    Because you're worth it.....

     
  • At December 15, 2005 12:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    personally, the legs aren't nearly as important as the "special area" - keep that nicely waxed and he won't care too much about the legs. cookie - did we ever get your preference for landing strip or bare?

     

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