DC Cookie

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Why Are You Single?

I hate that question. I know it's supposed to be flattering. I suspect the person who asks it is implying that I'm so ridiculously fabulous (correct observation), that s/he can't believe some man hasn't put a ring on my finger yet. However, for some reason, I find the question unnerving. Instinctively I want to answer, "Because I have leprosy." Or maybe, a-la praying mantis, "Because every time I finish mating with a man, I bite his head off." No really. What am I supposed to say when somebody asks me that? "Oh shit, you're right! I didn't realize. Thanks for reminding me! Crap! I'm single! I'm in my late 20s. My uterus is definitely drying up. Help, quick, find me a man, immediately!!"

Why am I single? Typically I just shrug my shoulders, smile impishly and divert the conversation. I'm single because that's what I'm supposed to be. I'm Yin and I just haven't met my Yang. Simple as that. If that doesn't make sense to you, then instead of asking me about it...hook a sister up! Damn!

cookie_image2 posted by DC Cookie @ 10:28 PM  

27 Comments:

  • At August 24, 2005 11:44 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    'S/he' was for YOU Webster...

     

  • At August 25, 2005 7:56 AM, Blogger DC said…

    I know that's right!!! I think I'm single because of scheduling conflicts, what with the harried schedule of happy hours...other social obligations, and me time I have no time to pencil in a gentleman caller, well...besides the obvious making out I tend to do while out/about

     

  • At August 25, 2005 9:28 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    Just reply "because I keep murdering my boyfriends".

     

  • At August 25, 2005 9:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I usually tell them I'm not ready to be divorced yet.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 10:04 AM, Blogger Lucy said…

    The worst is when cab drivers ask you that.

    Are you married?

    No.

    Do you have children???

    No.

    How is a pretty girl like you still single?

    How in the world is any of this your business??

     

  • At August 25, 2005 10:07 AM, Blogger VP of Dior said…

    Well you ARE fabulous and being single is clearly not a handicap. Tell those people to mind their own business and go do couple-ish things like shop at Home Depot together or ride paddle boats at the tidal basin.

    To quote Janice Dickinson: "I don't flirt. I club, drag them back to my lair, and have my way with them."

     

  • At August 25, 2005 10:46 AM, Blogger A Unique Alias said…

    If it's any consolation, I am the by far the most fabulous person I've ever met in my life, and believe it or not, I'm still single.

    I don't get why girls keep calling me conceited, though.


    Seriously though, I'd rather be alone than be with someone I didn't like. Being single because you haven't found the right person is better than being in a relationship for the wrong reasons. I'm sure everyone means that question as a compliment, though.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 11:14 AM, Blogger I-66 said…

    I think I'm going to begin countering "why are you single" with "why aren't you?!"

    Yeah, that should do it.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 11:24 AM, Blogger cs said…

    Good one, Phil.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 11:43 AM, Blogger The Captain said…

    You think that's hard, try having all your guy friends making cracks about how you're going to be engaged (and tied down) soon because you've been dating a girl for awhile. Talk about annoying.

    I might prefer your situation, at least there is concern and compliments from the people asking you. I just get the jokes

     

  • At August 25, 2005 11:45 AM, Blogger I-66 said…

    Yeah it's not as if you brought it on yourself by introducing your belief in the domino theory. Have you ever seen I, Robot?

    You are "the logical choice".

     

  • At August 25, 2005 1:09 PM, Blogger The Captain said…

    See what I'm talking about? And I-66 is one of the less annoying ones.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 1:41 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    I had the cafe owner at my office building tell me that I have to be married and start having kids before I'm 30, otherwise I'll be too old. Not sure what dimension he is from, but baby-bearing doesn't end at age 30...

     

  • At August 25, 2005 2:07 PM, Blogger That Girl said…

    That is always the "kiss of death" questions!! And it seems to always be the married people that ask it! Is it not ok to be single?! :) Being single has its advantages and a few disadvantages but why not have fun while we are young!

     

  • At August 25, 2005 2:15 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said…

    When your older relatives ask you when you are going to get married, you ask them when they are going to break their hip.

    P.S. to Phil: You forgot to add... "I use lime on their corpses to make them decompose faster"...followed by an angelic smile on your countenance.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 2:19 PM, Blogger I-66 said…

    Awww.. less annoying. It's getting dusty in here...

     

  • At August 25, 2005 2:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Why are you single?"
    It is a strange question. Like the person asking is implying their is something wrong with being single.

    Question: "Why are you single?"
    Answer: "Because unlike you, I am not willing to settle."


    Question: "Why are you single?"
    Answer: "Because your husband/boyfriend hasn't left you yet."

    Question: "Why are you single?"
    Answer: "Because I choose to be."

     

  • At August 25, 2005 3:09 PM, Blogger I-66 said…

    oooh I like #2

     

  • At August 25, 2005 3:32 PM, Blogger The Boy said…

    I like to point out to married people that their marriage will eventually end either in divorce or death.

    That usually kind of irritates them.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Huh. As a guy, I usually get something like this:

    "Still single? Smart man."

     

  • At August 25, 2005 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Alternative to #2:

    "Because your mom/dad hasn't left your dad/mom yet."

    But I do have a penchant for "your mom" jokes.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sean, I don't think anyone is naive enough to believe that you have one...let alone, multiple girlfiends.
    :-)

     

  • At August 25, 2005 4:23 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    Cookie, you will probably be dead soon from loneliness and old-age, so I wouldn't even worry about it anymore.

    When you turn 30, your uterus begins to eat you from the inside out. Didn't you know that? It's science.

     

  • At August 25, 2005 5:20 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said…

    "Why are you single? You're so cute!"

    "Why am I single?"

    "Obviously because there is something wrong with people. Including you. And yes, I know I'm cute."

     

  • At August 26, 2005 2:17 AM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    But...s/he hasn't even asked me what I do for a living yet...

    LOL

     

  • At August 26, 2005 2:28 AM, Blogger A Unique Alias said…

    Have they bought you a shot of Jager yet, though?

     

  • At August 27, 2005 1:57 PM, Blogger AllDeTime said…

    http://waybeyondsunset.blogspot.com/2005/07/games-we-play-or-censor-ourselves.html

    :)

     

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