Dateable
Wants to hook up with you AND date you:
- He calls you when he says he will
- He introduces you to, and brings you out with, his friends
- He makes plans with you ahead of time (asks you Monday what you're doing on Thursday)
- He wants to come with you to a bar, not meet up afterwards
- Your dates involve more than just being at each other's house
- He puts his arm around you in public
- He uses the term 'we'
- He gets excited about your ideas for future dates
- He follows through
- He gives you a toothbrush
Just wants to hook up with you:
- He only calls when he feels like it, and only returns your phone calls when he's 'done hanging out with his friends'
- Communication frequently occurs after last call
- He's selfish in bed
- He doesn't make plans
- He says 'I just want to go with the flow' or 'I don't like having expectations'
- You leave something at his house, and it's hidden in a drawer the next time you come back
- He doesn't say thank you
- His answer is always 'maybe'
You can tell what type of guy your interest is pretty quickly. Remember, listen to your instinct, 99% of the time, it's correct. Don't waste your time on the dudes in the latter category unless you enjoy dissatisfaction.
For instance, I met a guy at a bar one night a few months ago. Seemed nice enough. I even entertained thoughts of possibly going out to dinner with him, until he shot himself in the foot no more than three hours after meeting him. After seeing me get in a cab with 3 of my girlfriends, I received a phone call AND a text message from him at 3:40 in the morning saying 'get home safely? What are you doing?' After being relatively smooth during our bar conversation, poor kid made it SO obvious what he was looking for. 'I'm not sure if I'm home safe, would you like to come over and find out?' PLEASE! So gross. I couldn't even bring myself to respond to tell him how wretchedly he blew it. NEXT!
28 Comments:
At November 07, 2005 9:40 AM,
I-66 said…
hmm... smooth like sandpaper, that one is.
At November 07, 2005 10:08 AM,
Lucy said…
Hmm - can I infer that by using the word "kid," you mean that this guy was a puppy? Or was he just so clueless that he was relegated to kid status?
At November 07, 2005 10:37 AM,
DC Cookie said…
Actually, from what I remember, he was 31. Amateur...
At November 07, 2005 11:00 AM,
Washington Cube said…
And then there are the genuine commitmentphobics who don't want to affirm anything. And "no," I don't mean averse to a relationship: the phobia runs deeper as Cookie has shown even to the point of a phone call or the slightest hint of being with you in any capacity. Some outgrow this stupidity. Sadly, some never do, and they leave a trail of damage in their wake.
At November 07, 2005 11:32 AM,
Jamy said…
Boy oh boy did you hit it! I'm going to laminate that list and keep it in my wallet.
At November 07, 2005 11:42 AM,
A Unique Alias said…
He gives you a toothbrush??
At November 07, 2005 11:43 AM,
DC Cookie said…
Yeah - at his house. Indication he knows you'll be spending the night there frequently and wants to accomodate for that.
At November 07, 2005 11:46 AM,
playfulinnc said…
But what if he normally has 2 toothbrushes and he lets you pick the one you want to use while you are there?
What if hanging out at his house is what you two can afford??
J/K~This was an entertaining post, but I think I like commit-a-phobes.
At November 07, 2005 12:18 PM,
Heather B. said…
What a freaking turd. I would have responded with, "no I will NOT be having sex with you tonight. Or Ever. the end."
At November 07, 2005 1:55 PM,
Asian Mistress said…
Haha well I guess most of my conquests are clearly not dateable. :)
BTW I can top that story...my friend gave a guy her number once and he called her 5 times that night (three of which while we were still out at another bar!) and 7 times the next day. She lost his number quick.
At November 07, 2005 2:47 PM,
roosh said…
I'm proud to be a "Just wants to hook up with you" guy.
At November 07, 2005 3:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
Cookie I have an extra electric toothbrush you could use.
At November 07, 2005 4:27 PM,
Anonymous said…
So true, so true! You can usually tell that a guy is just looking to hook-up fairly quickly. It is truly sad that some women still fall for the "tricks".
Guys that only call at night.
Guys who always talk about sex.
Or my personal favorite (and the one I encounter the most): Guys that you can tell are only interested in you to fulfill their fantasy of having sex with a black chick. You can tell these guys because they are extremely complimentary and continuously make comments about your contrasting colors, full lips, curviness, etc.
I hate those guys! They are wicked rampant here in DC, too! Ugh!
At November 08, 2005 1:23 AM,
Kurt said…
This sounded like a quote from this book.
So I am a committed guy and used to be a sloppy drunk, so back in the day I would be a dumbass to call drunk, literally just to drunk dial, never the hook-up kinda guy. But at 31, it is definitely a poor show with no excuse.
At November 08, 2005 2:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
This is pretty grim stuff. I imagine we all have a few more expectations that need to be met before we can consider Mr. or Ms. X a likely prospect to spend some time with. It's sad too that the bar has been set so low for so long for far too many. And no, this was not meant as a personal observation of anything happening here, just a general note of wistfulness. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
At November 08, 2005 6:37 AM,
lordscarlet said…
Wow. Am I the only one that thinks the guy could have been genuinely checking on you without other motives? There are nice guys out there, whether women want to realize it or not. I certainly would have made a move like that, without the intention of coming over that night.
At November 08, 2005 11:21 AM,
Johnny said…
you shoulda baited and dropkicked him. a little, "yeah but i cant find my nighty so i'll have to sleep au naturel. well, good night!" should do the trick.
At November 08, 2005 11:33 AM,
Tara said…
I love it! So true. And now every boy has a cell phone so they can text these requests passively-aggressively instead of the old fashioned aw-shucks foot shuffling of old.
At November 08, 2005 11:13 PM,
Ethan Wiggum said…
Cookie, with all due respect, you are waaaaaaaay off.
DUMB guys who just want to hook up do the things you mention.
Smart guys know how to do everything from column A, while mixing in just enough of column B to make you doubt yourself and then slap yourself in the forehead after it's all over and say, "Oh, of course! why didn't I see the signs that he wasn't that serious?"
At November 08, 2005 11:17 PM,
VP of Dior said…
lance, dare i say mixing both A dn B makes one a supreme douchebag.
cookie i think this would make an excellent poster. kinda like those motivational themed posters.
At November 09, 2005 2:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
OMG, he wanted to fuck you. You sure showed him what a mistake that was!
Actually, his real mistake was contacting you without waiting the mandatory 2-3 days.
Once again, a woman creates an atmosphere that encourages a man to engage in behavior said woman finds exasperating.
At November 09, 2005 2:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
ah, the irony...Cookie has become so desensitized that she did not recognize the genuine concern and manners. she so selfish she thought the guy was trying to get into her pants that night.
I agree w/ the lists, but I think the guy was being polite and caring.
At November 09, 2005 2:47 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Noted both in DC Blogs and DC Bachelor.
DCB - since you've already noted that you're proud of being a 'just want to hook up with you' guy (and why not, at least you're honest), I'll spare myself the energy of debating your post any further.
At November 09, 2005 3:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ok, it wasn't a suave move, but only because it was a bad step to take in the game some women play of "wanting to sleep with me early means you don't like me and don't have any interest in a serious relationship."
Because here's the thing with that game, or at least its premises...
It's bunk. Total bunk.
Here's are two radical ideas:
#1 There's absolutely nothing wrong about finding someone sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with them.
Moreover, the boy has a clue. It certainly was a possible door opening for sex, and yet it was far from a vulgar one that put you in an awkward situation or implied anything demeaning about you whatsoever. (What you've said in return about him though, quite the contrary.)
#2 Someone asking if you're interested in sex, and you saying no, doesn't make you the morally superior person or them deserving of scolding.
The thing I particularly hate about this dynamic is that it casts women as being the gatekeepers of sex, ones who do a fellow a favor just by saying yes.
I blame it for the rather shameful problem of just how many women are utterly lackluster in bed. (My job was to say yes. Now you, boy, make it worth my while. Leading--if I can boast and whine in the same breath--to far too many times when a women has had wildly complimentary things to say and I'm left pondering how to diplomatically avoid giving my assessment of things). And it's actually got some bad patriarchal dynamics of making some women feel guilty about actually expressing up front that they enjoy sex and asking for it when they want it.
At November 10, 2005 2:58 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Metro Recluse adds a great commentary here.
Would it have helped if I added that 'Get Home Safely Guy' had also flirted with other girls immediately after talking to me, and exchanged phone numbers with one in front of me as I was getting in the cab? All totally rational actions for a guy trying to get laid, and I could do nothing but respect that. Just knew very quickly he wasn't someone I was interested in.
Minor details...
At November 10, 2005 5:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
So, cookie, which is it that you have a problem with? That he doesn't want to bang just you? Or that he was unlucky enough to get another girls phone number right in front you?
You know how hard it is to meet people in this town. How many numbers do you get or give in a night? The male-confusion that arises from these kinds of ambiguous posts about the behavior of men does not help anyone. Did you feel "cheap" because he got someone else's number in front of you or because he texted after last-call. What's the etiquette in that particular situation. . .
Case in point, I was talking to a girl that sat down next to me at a bar in ballston the other day. She had done some shopping and we conversed about her purchases although there were FOUR TV's within my periphery covering every game available. Why did I listen to her talk about her clock radio instead of tracking my fantasy team? I was interested in her. She excuses herself to the loo and asked me to watch her stuff. No problem. . .actually a little promising. She comes back, I go to the restroom. I come back and she's getting macked-on by a DC cop. The gist of his line: "Would you like to go on a ride-along and listen to cop stories of danger and intrigue?"
I had already gotten her number but, how am I supposed to compete with a ride-along? She split her conversation between the two of us for a couple of more sips of beer. I opted not to tap-dance and to close my check. I was interested, but I guess she wasn't so I delete her number.
Do you think she got a fair shake as far as I was concerned?
Did your guy?
At November 10, 2005 5:22 PM,
DC Cookie said…
It wasn't so much that I had a problem with him. I just wasn't interested in having sex with him the very same evening I met him when clearly, he didn't care who he got it from.
As for your situation, I probably would have done the same thing. I'm a bit of an attention whore, and I prefer to date men who are 100% enraptured by my charm, rather than say, 50%. It's possible the woman was interested in both of you, but if she were truly into it, she would have diverted the conversation back to focus on you. Oh well, probably her loss.
I can't remember the last time I gave out my phone number more than once in a night, but if I did, it was discretely, and likely at a different bar.
At November 18, 2005 4:23 PM,
Spin_Doc1 said…
I thought this was a great post and forwarded it to a man in my life, and he freaked out! Here is his reply:
I have to strooongly disagree with a lot of that!
>
>You say/thing booty call...I am thinking(this girl has got me sprung a little) meaning I like seeing you and just being around.
>
>The datable things.
>
>I was never a good planner or to much of one, sometimes I do get it right. I think I told you this was the biggest thing from the ex's.
>
>I am a BIG stickler on that call thing. If you say your going to do it or something then do it otherwise don't even bother afterward.
>
>I would go with you to the bar if invited.. the key phrase here is being invited.
>
>You would always get a toothbrush, I would feel weird brushing my teeth and your sitting there like I feel dirty.
>
>The dates more than the house, well let's see here we all like to go out, but we all can't ALWAYS afford to go out.
>
>The term we... that's a given only if you want to date there is no we in the beginning. I guess I get that from mom after one of her dates the guy got a little ahead of himself throwing those kinds of words around and found himself out the door. So, we is reserve for much later.
>
>Arm around the waist, I really am a hand holder in public, easier to walk if were walking somewhere.
>
>We all get excited of your future plan with a chance to spend time with you.
>
>Coming out with the friends....well you have get that one.
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