DC Cookie

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Social Ass-et

The question of what men are seeking [albeit hapazardly] and why they take so long to settle down with one woman was answered this weekend so plainly by Special K that it was as if I heard the hallelujahs amidst all unanswered female dating woes. To paraphrase, he said to me, "You know, all me or any of my friends have ever wanted is a woman who is a social asset."

And by social asset he means a woman he feels entirely comfortable bringing around his friends - all the time. The asset is cute enough that his friends want to flirt with her, but she is not egotistical about it. The asset does not whine or pout when her man disappears for a moment to have an aside with a rugby friend; instead she strikes up a discussion with someone else until he returns. The asset is outgoing, friendly and independent enough that she can handle herself graciously and confidently in a room full of amicable strangers.

That's it. That's all it takes. You can't win the man without also winning the friends' approval. Be good-natured; be fun; don't cling; be open-minded; be assertive; smile often; and engage his amigos in conversation without requiring him to hand-hold. Make it impossible for him not to want you around.

20 Comments:

  • At January 03, 2007 3:14 PM, Blogger Twoste said…

    An astute point.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:20 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    BINGO! It goes both ways, though. One of the first things BP and I appreciated about each other was our ability to hold our own separately at social events. It makes the moments you are together all the sweeter.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:32 PM, Blogger KassyK said…

    reat post. But what about those of us that hate the intertwined groups that tend to happen when relationships form.

    Is everyone getting along when you see each other enough? Is keeping friends separate ok?

    Or do you have to be actively friends with their friends and vice versa on your own? I know it happens with some friends naturally but others...ahh.

    January 03, 2007

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:49 PM, Blogger Pagan Marbury said…

    I think you are absolutely right. Nobody wants to date a wallflower or a perpetual maintanence issue.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:53 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    It's not about absorbing their friends as your own (that takes time). It's simply about being sociable and comfortable. I think Kathryn pegged it.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:55 PM, Blogger roosh said…

    "That's it. That's all it takes."

    While a good theory, it does not completely describe why men settle down, especially since they actually remove themselves from their social circle as commitmment sets in. This "social asset" is only important in the early stages of a relationship, but not important in the later.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 3:59 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    As long as the woman keeps up her "ass" part of the asset, the man will stay...

     
  • At January 03, 2007 4:03 PM, Blogger KassyK said…

    Cookie--Gotcha. I need to learn more of this...I'm the loner girlfriend that comes out and then leaves to hang out with her friends. Bad news I tell you.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 4:27 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    "special k"

    I like it.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 4:29 PM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said…

    this has nothing to do with why men don't want to settle down. Settling down means losing freedom and assuming the trappings of adulthood. It's why childish ex-fratties despearately cling to their college memories and avoid settling down. It's because they're immature, not because you're not cool enough. Granted, many (read: most) of you womyn are crazy, but that's not why they don't want to marry you. If you girls want to get married, maybe you shouldn't date a guy who is in late 20s and who lives in a group house and walks around with jerseys of his college team.

     
  • At January 03, 2007 4:31 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    Phil - you may have had a small hand in that...

     
  • At January 03, 2007 10:18 PM, Anonymous VJ said…

    I hate to tell Ninja this, but there's plenty of guys who go around in their 40's, 50's, thru their 70's wearing their college team jersey's & sweats, should they be fortunate enough to have a team that's worth a damn.

    But I think the very definition of DC Cookie would be a 'social asset'. Cookie does explain it well, and yes Roosh, this still comes in real handy years and even decades later. Having a smart cookie on your arm is always a good thing to have in your corner.


    But I imagine that for a certain 'set' of older folks just being the younger blonder and more 'fabulous' 2nd or 3rd wife will be enough for awhile. After some time people will forget that she has the personality of curdled milk and the sparkling wit of an overly ripe avocado and just content themselves with basking in her reflected physical glory. Until she too starts sagging & dragging in certain asset areas. Good looks you'll only borrow from father time for short periods typically. Smarts is what you'll have with you most of the days of your life. It's an asset that's fairly easy to develop, and difficult to lose. And friendliness can and does pay off in the end. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

     
  • At January 04, 2007 12:46 AM, Anonymous CATCH-22 said…

    Hallelujah indeed!! And I'll throw in an AMEN from the congregation!! You said it sistah!! Also, Kathryn and Roosh make excellent points!!

    Being the social butterfly that I am (chuckle, chuckle), a woman, in order to keep my attention, must be able to hold her own in social settings... not only around my friends, but even during the occasional work function, or even an outing in which we end up meeting new people. Oh yeah, the "ASS" is definitely an integral part of the "SET" You know how I do!!

     
  • At January 04, 2007 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ass.

    set.

    nice.

    it's enough to say that we expect this three-pronged level of simplicity from our male counterparts as well...

     
  • At January 04, 2007 11:16 AM, Anonymous HeidiChick said…

    Well, I found this to be true -- AND if all his friends are married off tends to help things "along" -- but men in their 20s? not so much going to settle down...

    It's the turn from 'selfish' to 'selfless' that is amazing to watch as these dudes get older. Warms the heart after watching a decade of just out for the good time...

     
  • At January 04, 2007 11:03 PM, Anonymous Wiz said…

    I certainly agree with the concept of the social asset, and fully agree that Ms. Cookie is an excellent example. She plays well with others and makes social encounters so much more fun.

    however, another name is needed. Social asset seems to imply that she is smome mere superficial bauble. Clearly much more substantial. Come up with a better name, and I'm 100% in agreement.

     
  • At January 07, 2007 11:02 PM, Blogger chicgirl said…

    I have about 10 gorgeous fun, smart, fit, and fun girls that I hang out with. Most are early 30s. I agree being a social asset is really important. However, I think timing, finding a guy who is looking for more than a partner in bed, to date infrequently, and values building a life is the foundation before a relationship will grow. Regardless of whether she is an asset in regard to looks, 'coolness', smarts, or anything else. From that point, being a social asset with a good, perky ass probably is huge.

     
  • At January 08, 2007 9:09 AM, Blogger Ryane said…

    Good point...

     
  • At January 08, 2007 10:08 PM, Blogger webcowgirl said…

    timing, timing, timing...we each go through somany different emotional growth phases in life.
    The windows of opportunity are so very small. Moral of the story, you have to take your cookies when they're passed.

     
  • At January 11, 2007 11:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Good point... very true. Although, makes you wonder about that occasional one who seems to pass even though his friends would be more than willing to take his place. What's the deal with those?

     

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