DC Cookie

Monday, August 14, 2006

The Necklace

Some women have the uncanny ability to accept gifts from a man without feeling any sense of obligation; be that a round of drinks, dinner, jewelry, a spa vacation, or anything equally as generous. Regardless of the magnitude of the present, I unfortunately am not one of these women. Splurge for a first date, I'll pay for the second (shoots DCB's theory to shit). That's just the way I was raised. I have particular difficulty accepting gifts, no matter how innocuous and kind the gesture, from men whose relationship with me I know with certainty is not going to progress beyond the status quo.

It all began with my wonderful college sweetheart with whom I parted ways officially a few months after I graduated. We kept in close contact through long distance correspondence, but it was clear (at least to me anyway; I was young and much more ambiguous with the verbal expression of my intent back then) that our continued interaction was not going to lead to any aisle walking. As time passed and I became loosely involved with someone else, the frequency and intensity of our verbal exchanges dwindled. Two years later, on my birthday, I received a small package in the mail addressed from him. I opened the parcel to a dropped jaw; he had sent me an exquisite diamond-studded necklace with a card suggesting that the beauty of the accessory paled in comparison to my own, but when he spotted it in the jeweler's case, he knew he had to buy it for me as a token of my inestimable value. At which point my heart became overwrought with guilt. However he felt about me to have made such a purchase, I could never reciprocate. It broke my heart that the proof of our disparate feelings for each other was hanging as physical evidence at my collarbone. Instead of simply saying thank you, I tried to give the necklace back, which in hindsight was probably the equivalent of pouring brine into his scar tissue.

This is not a lone incident. I have offended a multitude of men whose kindness I equate with expectations that I cannot fulfill. In my gentle heart's effort to be tender with people's affection, I frequently seem to end the match by throwing an unintentional blindside of a left hook. I'm just completely incapable of taking without giving back in return; and although I won't apologize for this trait that makes me the predominantly selfless person that I am, I will ask forgiveness of my college sweetheart and all men who have followed for the emotional confusion I may have caused.

11 Comments:

  • At August 14, 2006 10:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think your perspective on gift-giving (and dating) is quite appropriate. Fairness not only requires reciprocation, but also honesty in declining a gift when you have no desire to reciprocate.

    Men should know they can't buy a woman's affections, but unfortunately they don't. Likewise, women often accept gifts from men with no intention of ever reciprocating, giving honest women a bad name.

     
  • At August 14, 2006 12:26 PM, Blogger Barbara said…

    A gift is a wonderful way to show someone you care. But unfortunately, as with many things, timing is everything.

     
  • At August 14, 2006 1:22 PM, Blogger KassyK said…

    :-) Great post.

     
  • At August 14, 2006 1:35 PM, Blogger Drunken Chud said…

    they just want some ass. you don't have to love 'em or date 'em. they just want one more romp. or a romp period. we're men, that's how we roll.

     
  • At August 14, 2006 8:34 PM, Blogger O-FACE said…

    Its compensation for sex. Ask any man to check "His" manual. Should be in Chapter 14 section 34-a893.
    " All ass and cheap easy sex can be obtained by exerting guilt and favors so that one may play mental chess and win the high move of sex".

    Mail that necklace back baby.......

     
  • At August 14, 2006 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Another almost exclusively Canadian 'problem'. This just rarely happens to most women, who are much more likely take the goods & the money & run. No hard feelings Cookie, Just let it be. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

     
  • At August 14, 2006 10:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And O Face if you think 'guilt sex' is good in a dating relationship, just wait 'till you're married. Then you'll realize that 'guilt sex' is mostly about 'no sex'. Word. Cheers, 'VJ'

     
  • At August 15, 2006 12:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Out of curiosity, do you accept bracelets? ;)

     
  • At August 15, 2006 3:48 PM, Blogger Jeff Simmermon said…

    Hey Cookie:

    Here's some tips to being more photogenic. It's not that I think you need them, but rather that I think you already do them intuitively. Or do you?

    http://www.digitalcamerau.com/2006/08/10/5-steps-to-being-more-photogenic/

     
  • At August 15, 2006 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thats why the only necklace i give is of the pearl variety...

     
  • At August 19, 2006 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think your feelings are completely appropriate, and getting the left hook is better than thinking you're still in the fight when everyone else has already left!

    Girls can get away with keeping things b/c guys rarely ask where or how you obtained said thing. But tell your new girl that the chain you're wearing is from an ex? Look out, brutha!

     

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