Oil and Vinegar Debate Commitment

A commitment-phobe is not necessarily indicative of a man who is incapable of being in a relationship. I know many commitment-phobes who are perfectly content to have a significant other. What makes the monogamous commitment-phobe tremble is not the idea of loyalty, but the concept of change. The girlfriend in the relationship thinks about all the wonderful additions she has made to her man’s life: regular, safe sex whenever he wants it, companionship, conversation, a listening ear, compassion, cooking and ironing [unless she’s me], a boost to his already ample self-confidence, eye candy, an alternate perspective, energy, encouragement, warmth and laughter. On the other hand the commitment-phobe boyfriend, instead of appreciating his girlfriend for all her positive contributions (that in essence, he hasn't asked for), spends his time imagining all he stands to lose the closer he gets to his special lady.

The reality of commitment is really somewhere right smack dab in between the female’s idealistic, Pride & Prejudice-esque perfect, everlasting romance and the male’s innate anxiety that women precipitate upheaval, drama, unreasonable expectations, suffocation and a neutered identity. Relationships do require some effort, and they do force the participants to veer from the status quo, but the commitment-phobe cannot envision an ideal state outside the comfortable walls of his existing condition, and that stubborn perspective only hardens with age.

The question is, are there any female wiles enduring enough to entice a doubting alpha-male commitment-phobe to remove his phobic-lenses and view her in the same light that she sees him? Should the rare trillium* of a lady who represents the virtual antithesis of her commit-phobe boyfriend’s trepidation spend time attempting to allay his concern? At what point does her effort become futile?

*Please note the subtle significance of that flower as it may, or may not, relate to a particular female we know.