How To Train For A 10-K: The Break-Up Diet

Who knew that all I needed to do to prepare for this 10-K that I'll be running in mid-June was to suffer a painful emotional loss? Based on my success this holiday weekend, I bring you Cookie's 15-steps to training for a distance race:

1. Force feed yourself a bowl of cereal in the morning, and then don't eat for the rest of the day.
2. Travel to a location for the weekend where your ex will be so you are guaranteed to run into him 15 times. Be sure to surround yourself with no less than 8 of your best girls, and maybe even a few of your boys too. They are excellent diversions and roadblocks.
3. Drink a handle of Grey Goose on an empty stomach. For kicks, mix in a few shots of Grand Marnier.
4. Dance your tail off and then shovel a slice of pizza to absorb some of the alcohol. This is the only time you'll actually be able to eat more than 200 calories.
5. Cry.
6. Go to sleep at 3:30 am. Wake up at 8:00 am. Your energy won't be coming from adequate sleep anyway.
7. Drink 12 ounces of water, pop 2 Excedrin, and suit up for a jog.
8. Bring a sympathetic running partner, and a fully-juiced ipod (however, be sure to skip past 'Incomplete' by the Backstreet Boys, because that would just be self-torture).
9. Run past your ex's beach house. This will help you set a faster-than-average pace.
10. Feel the endorphins kick in and realize that you just can't stop running. This is the best you will feel all day.
11. Pass some gardners to get hosed down and stay cool while you emulate Forrest Gump.
12. When your legs finally give in (this won't happen for at least 80 minutes), stretch, shower, and sit out in the sun for a few hours.
13. Force feed yourself a liquid smoothie and more water. Don't eat again for the rest of the day.
14. Cry again, get your girlfriends to make you laugh, shake it off, then take your time getting ready for a long, fun day.
15. Repeat steps 3 through 14. Twice.

By the end of this intensive weekend training process, you will never want to see another vodka drink or slice of pizza, but you will absolutely be ready to race. And it might help, temporarily, to take your mind off what it is that you're missing so terribly. Besides, you know that in a few weeks, you'll be just fine...

**Oh, and on an unrelated note, thanks to Maureen (I think...because I was at least 5 drinks in when I met her) for having the guts to introduce herself to me and ask me if I was DC Cookie. It's encounters like those that keep me wanting to write. Hope to see you at the next happy hour.