Uggianaqtuq

Which is apparently an Inuit term suggesting unexpected behavior or 'a friend acting strangely.' Coincidence that I pulled that word from an article that my sweetheart sent to me just an hour ago? Absolutely. But fitting, nonetheless.

I had a long IM conversation last night with a man that I used to date; someone I still hold in very high regard. We had an enlightening discussion about how our few months of romance went from infatuation to friend zone. The bottom line, we [mutually] didn't communicate what we were thinking - at least, not to any satisfying depth. And through that lack of communication, we both developed significant [mis]perceptions about the 'relationship.' Our gut instincts told us something was off kilter, but rather than discussing the issues, we just...stopped dating.

I'm a much better writer than I am a verbal communicator. I can spill my heart out in an e-mail, but when I look a man in the eyes, the wiring that connects heart - brain - mouth short circuits. I turn into a 'Johnny 5' uggianaqtuq, and virtually shut down.

Last night, as I lay awake in the dark of the late evening hours, I thought 'I hope I never have to have an after-the-fact conversation like this with my Charming Fellow, because I can't figure out how to re-wire and articulate my emotions.' I'm a guarded genie in a bottle; I need prompting. In the meantime, the icebergs begin to melt...