DC Cookie

Friday, February 17, 2006

Red Flags

Which red flags would you pay attention to?
  • Man who solves all your problems by telling you how much he loves you, how amazing you are, how much he needs you, but doesn't really ever seem to act on those 'feelings.'
  • Man who spends tons of time with you, is physically affectionate, incorporates you into his life, but never tells you how he feels about you.
  • Man who tells you he wants to be the father of your children within days of meeting you.
  • Man who is verbally intimate, but not physically intimate.
  • Man who gives you amazing compliments, but uses those same compliments on everyone.
  • Man who never compliments you, but also never compliments anyone else.

I would argue all of the above...

26 Comments:

  • At February 17, 2006 2:37 PM, Blogger Heather B. said…

    Please don't let this be about you...please. That would make me sad.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 2:43 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    Of COURSE it's about me. I've experienced all of the above. Historically. And so have many of my friends.

    Nothing to be sad about. I was lacking in creativity.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 2:46 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    I second "all of the above."

    The sad part is that often only hindsight gives you the power to see those things as red flags. I've hit 4 of 6 I think, many times with devastating results.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 2:47 PM, Blogger roosh said…

    I fit two of those red flags. :(

     
  • At February 17, 2006 2:48 PM, Blogger Sharkbait said…

    Phew...glad to hear it's probably not related to charming fellow.
    Like Heather B, I too would be sad.

    That's a tough one Cookie...I too could argue for each...

     
  • At February 17, 2006 3:03 PM, Blogger DC said…

    ew me too.... I'm so over whack jobs

     
  • At February 17, 2006 3:14 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    DCB - that's why it wouldn't work out between us...DOOMED from the start.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 3:19 PM, Blogger Johnny said…

    Maybe hes just a slacker.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 3:35 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    Obviously the guy wanting to father your children on the second date is the most dangerous. This guy has a file somewhere on his computer at home with a composite of your face and his. I'd rather have a girl kick me in the balls than tell me she wants my children on the second date.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 4:08 PM, Blogger Barbara said…

    Yep. I agree they are all problems. I have known at least one guy who fit each of those descriptions. They were not all bad as long as they were not romantically interested in me!

     
  • At February 17, 2006 4:10 PM, Blogger Asian Mistress said…

    I think I've had every one of those men, sometimes in a winning combination of sorts.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 4:11 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    Belligerent, I need to enlist you in a Kathryn Suitor Screening Program. Because the "most dangerous" type is always the kind that finds me.

     
  • At February 17, 2006 4:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I red flag all of them myself...

     
  • At February 17, 2006 5:41 PM, Blogger caasmom said…

    What about him wanting to marry you after two weeks? I did it and have been married to him for nearly 11 yrs. now, hehe.

    I would pay close attention when the verbal doesn't mesh with the physical affection. That kind of disconnect could mean an untruthful nature. I have seen that one first hand.

     
  • At February 18, 2006 1:29 AM, Blogger Namaste said…

    all of the above, no doubt about it

     
  • At February 18, 2006 3:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've seen lots of these 'verbal' physical' mismatches in long term marriages. I guess it was perhaps more commonly accepted in the past. But avoiding all of the scenarios listed would be a tall order.

    Lots of men & women can be physically affectionate and find it difficult to articulate their feelings. That may take some time & learning. I mean there's a generation of people still walking around who probably never heard their dad's or mom's say 'love' about much of anything at all. And there's lots of folks who are quite affectionate verbally, but less so physically. And they may even be quite fond of sex too. So go figure. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

     
  • At February 18, 2006 1:43 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    What about the "woman you can't please who psychoanalyzes everything" flag?

    Don't be her...

     
  • At February 18, 2006 6:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dating women has turned into fortune reading. How the hell am I supposed to know what you like/dislike if you don't say something????

     
  • At February 19, 2006 12:19 PM, Blogger kris said…

    FATHER OF CHILDREN. ALERT, ALERT, FATHER OF CHILDREN.

    now I have to go back and read the others. it was just that that one made me sweat.

     
  • At February 19, 2006 11:07 PM, Blogger cs said…

    I'd prefer someone who complemented me.

    Christ I'm clever.

     
  • At February 20, 2006 10:34 AM, Blogger VP of Dior said…

    all of them scare me, but #2 sounds shockingly familiar :(

     
  • At February 21, 2006 3:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't think a man who shows how he feels by ACTIONS, not necessarily words, constitute a red flag.

     
  • At February 21, 2006 4:08 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    I disagree. If a man is physically affectionate and attentive, but never communicates the extent of his emotional affections, you could easily be on two VERY different pages. Too easy to make assumptions. Verbal and physical communication are both a must to make a relationship work in the long run.

     
  • At February 22, 2006 11:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ok, I've always thought that actions speak louder than words.

    There are people who say things like "I love you", "darling", "I want to be with you", only to dump their partners a short time later.

    So I stress actions much much more than words. You've of course heard that actions, body language, and tone of voice make up 90% of all communication and words only 10%?

    ps. the last anonymous comment was by me.

     
  • At February 22, 2006 11:54 AM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    As do I. I definitely see your point. Action is by far the most important form of expression in a relationship. I fully agree that the "I love you" man who doesn't act on his words (my ex was a serious culprit) is someone a woman should run far away from.

    The man who just doesn't quite know how to say it, but shows it daily, may still be a keeper. My poinst is, though, that verbal communication helps solidify that both parties are on the same path.

    90% action with 10% verbal reinforcement would NOT be a red flag in my book. Because the verbal communication is there.

     
  • At February 22, 2006 1:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    cool, that clears it up. you're alright ;)

     

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