Numbers Game

A buddy of mine IMd me yesterday and said [to paraphrase generously], "You know what really bugs me. When people ask me how many people I've slept with - especially people I'm not dating. It's nobody's business." And I have to admit, I agree with him.

My opinion has always been that I haven't made any such decisions in my life that I'm ashamed of, so why conceal it? But at the same time, how exactly is that question relevant, to anyone? Does the number 'really' matter in the grand scheme of things? Aren't there so many more important questions someone should be asking you instead?

• Have you always been protected?
• When was the last time you were tested?
• Do you sleep with multiple people at the same time, or do you believe that intimacy and commitment go hand-in-hand?
• Are you any good at it?
• Have you ever paid for it?
• Do you blog about it?

Understanding the math behind the number is key. For instance, you could have a man who has only slept with 2 women, but is absolutely wretched in bed. Or, you could have a man who has only slept with 2 women but spent his time deeply exploring those 2 partners and learning how to be a mind-blowing lover. You could have a man who has slept with 58 people, but has never overlapped his women, has committed to 1/2 of them, and makes it his sole mission to satisfy each one. Or you could have a man who has slept with 58 people, most during the same time periods, is phenomenally selfish in bed and rarely uses protection. Catch my drift? Quality over quantity any day. I haven't asked CF his 'number,' and I probably won't. Why? Because I couldn't care less. The answer is far less important than the equation itself.

Maybe this is what Douglas Adams was mocking in his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when he wrote that "The answer to the Great Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is....42." In essence, without understanding what the questions need to be, how can an answer of '42' have any distinct value?

My advice to my frustrated friend: The next time somebody asks you how many people you've slept with, tell her "the answer to the great question of life, the universe, and everything is 7,842," laugh cacophonously, and then change the subject.