DC Cookie

Monday, December 12, 2005

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Seconds

Have you seen Kate Hudson's movie 'How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days?" I've read a lot of posts from female bloggers describing some of their worst dates, and it got me thinking. If you're on a really bad date, shouldn't there be a way to get out of it expeditiously, without having your best friend call and feign an emergency hair crisis? Technically speaking, you already know you don't like the guy, so why not get rid of him in 10 minutes, not 10 days? Here are some suggestions (with photographic evidence) that will make him run away long before the check arrives. So what if he thinks you're crazy and doesn't call you again; isn't that the point?

lose a guy - spicy food
Order something so spicy that you start to cry (habanera is a good choice). Keep eating it.

Lose a date - Double Chin Contest
Suggest a double chin contest and show him how good you are at it.

Lose a date - straw nose
Drink from your nose.

lose a date - spit food
Spit out your food constantly and make gagging noises.

lose a guy - bite
Bite at will.

lose a guy - face
Make hideous faces and hold the poses.

And if all else fails..

lose a date - shovel food
Shovel your food...

lose a date - shovel food 2
...and eat like a horse.

Good luck! (Aside: If Charming Fellow wasn't bewitched by my seductive allure already, I'm certain this post will seal the deal).

cookie_image2 posted by DC Cookie @ 9:30 AM  

33 Comments:

  • At December 11, 2005 10:41 PM, Blogger kob said…

    The Pulitzer Prize for humor is yours. This is too funny.

     

  • At December 11, 2005 10:41 PM, Blogger Stef said…

    Great photos! I'll keep this advice in mind. Did you see the episode of How I Met Your Mother where they came up with the "lemon law"?? That would be ideal if it weren't so rude. :-)

     

  • At December 11, 2005 10:43 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said…

    You're a hoot, Miss Cookie. I needed a good laugh tonight. I hate to say it, but I would bet there are men out there who were aroused by some of these photographs.

     

  • At December 12, 2005 12:06 AM, Blogger Asian Mistress said…

    I can't even believe you HAVE those pictures.

    Hehe thanks for making me laugh!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Baby, your gonna need to do more than that to get rid of muwha!!!!!! You really wanna get rid of a man?? Pull a pistol on him and tell him this line:

    I know what your thinking. Your thinking did I fire 5 shots or 6. Well, to be honest with you, in all the excitement I lost count. But you need to ask yourself one thing. Do I feel lucky? Huh!!! Well Do you punk???

     

  • At December 12, 2005 8:25 AM, Blogger Lucy said…

    Personally, I think Namaste's monkey noises would be pretty effective at sending a man to the door. ;)

     

  • At December 12, 2005 9:17 AM, Blogger Phil said…

    You are the master of self-deprecation, Cookie. Good stuff.

     

  • At December 12, 2005 10:17 AM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    I remember you took that double chin photo at webcowgirl's karaoke bday party. It made me fall in friend-love with you. :)

     

  • At December 12, 2005 10:20 AM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    Sadly, I have many more double chin contest photos where that one came from. For some reason, at the time I always think it's funny.

    Nice memory!!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 10:53 AM, Blogger I-66 said…

    ...what in the name of all things holy are you biting?

     

  • At December 12, 2005 11:02 AM, Blogger Melissa said…

    These pictures are hilarious!

    When I see a bad date coming, I stick with it for the long haul. I love me some bad dates!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 11:11 AM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    i-66, that's my friend's shoulder. Picture taken at a very bad angle.

    Velvet, I think you were my inspiration today...

     

  • At December 12, 2005 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hmmmmm.......me thinks that the cleavage shown in the "eat like a horse photo" off-sets "eating like a horse"... ;-)

     

  • At December 12, 2005 12:30 PM, Blogger Mamma Bear said…

    HA HA HA - TOO FUNNY! ;)

     

  • At December 12, 2005 12:43 PM, Blogger JP said…

    I've been slain...help help...too funny.

     

  • At December 12, 2005 1:06 PM, Blogger Heather B. said…

    sometimes I want to put you in my pocket and have you around to make me laugh and/or get me drunk at key moments throughout the day. Is that weird?

     

  • At December 12, 2005 1:32 PM, Blogger roosh said…

    this post is hot

     

  • At December 12, 2005 2:05 PM, Blogger MappyB said…

    those are great suggestions! i could of used some of those on my horrible date. i went the 'be totally uninterested, and go home early' route. great photos! we should start up a bad childhood photo contest. i have way too many of myself from this year!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 2:17 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    It didn't work in the movie and it won't work for you. Learn from television and movies. They are the greatest source for information and education that we possess. Just ask any parent whose kid has done something awful. They'll name off 6, 846 other people/things to blame...including television. So, I believe them because everyone else seems to think that must be it!

    It can't be that their kid was just a f*ck up...

     

  • At December 12, 2005 2:18 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    Dark, I know....but just another futile attempt at humor...try loudly asking your waitress if she has an extra super-maxi in her purse...

     

  • At December 12, 2005 2:32 PM, Blogger kris said…

    But so many guys would be turned on my a woman actually EATING!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 2:33 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    more than a water and salad?

     

  • At December 12, 2005 3:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think laughing hysterically at everything he says would drive him off pretty quick...especially if you throw in a few snorts.

    Great pics, though! However, you are so fantastic I think a guy would still want to stick around despite them.

     

  • At December 12, 2005 3:52 PM, Blogger Sharkbait said…

    I love it Cookie!

    You always crack me up, and on a Monday, this is appreciated. Your sense of humor is spectacular.

    You and the self portraits-love it!!

     

  • At December 12, 2005 4:06 PM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said…

    Haha........Cookie you crack me up. You get the award for 'blogger I'd most want to cheer me up'.

     

  • At December 12, 2005 8:19 PM, Blogger tommy said…

    Here's one, tell your date you are severely constipated and need a manual disimpaction from him. If that doesn't do it, He obviously marrying material:-)

     

  • At December 12, 2005 10:47 PM, Blogger Barbara said…

    If you actually tried any of these, the guy would probably want to go out again just to see the next performance! People get turned on by the strangest things...

     

  • At December 13, 2005 8:11 AM, Blogger ryguy9296 said…

    HAHAHAHAHAHA...

    My favorite is the double chin contest. Charming Fellow probably has that one in his wallet so he can show off..."wanna see my girl?"

    Is it time for me to come home yet?

     

  • At December 13, 2005 2:49 PM, Blogger PseudoIntellect said…

    SAVE TOOKIE!

     

  • At December 15, 2005 12:16 PM, Blogger NotCarrie said…

    AHAHHAAH Amazing!

     

  • At December 21, 2005 10:45 PM, Blogger Scarlet Hip said…

    Excellent advice! I love it - found you on Mama Likey - I'm one of the many on her list as well!

     

  • At March 16, 2007 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How to lose a guy quickly? Two words: death threats.

     

  • At March 16, 2007 4:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OK, I'm joking about the death threats. It will work though (if you don't mind jail).

    But seriously, I lol'd at the photos.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home

 
free webpage counters