DC Cookie

Monday, October 31, 2005

Schnoz-y Mistake

From an entertaining conversation I had at the bus stop at 10pm one evening after work last year (I believe it was from this that I decided to start driving to work). A drunk man is lingering in the bus stop, sitting at the end of Cookie's bench. He begins the conversation.

Drunk Man: I'm so sorry.
Cookie (half smiles and nods).
Drunk Man (30 seconds later): I'm just so sorry.
Cookie: Um, what for?
Drunk Man: About your people. What happened to your people.
Cookie: My people?
Drunk Man: Yeah, in Israel today, that bombing.
Cookie (raises eyebrow, perplexed).
Drunk Man: Clearly you're Jewish.
Cookie (giggles): Actually, I'm Presbyterian, but I'm curious what makes you say that (knowing exactly why he said it).
Drunk Man: So, wait, you're not Jewish?
Cookie: No.
Drunk Man: Really?
Cookie: Positive.

It gets better.

Drunk Man (approaching and staring at my face with concern): Oh my god! Are you okay?
Cookie: Yes, thank you.
Drunk Man: Wow - that must have hurt?
Cookie: What?
Drunk Man: When your nose was broken.

Interesting logic. I have a roman arch to my nose, and if I'm not Jewish, it must be because somebody punched me in the face? I inhaled so as not to break out into laughter at how irrational he was, because I was honestly a little bit scared of him. The drunk man continued to comment and talk until the bus pulled up, at which point he ended the conversation by asking me if I could get him a job. Again, totally rational. 'Nice broken nose, can I have a job?'

I told him I'd put a good word in with 'my people' and see what I could do.

17 Comments:

  • At October 31, 2005 6:35 PM, Blogger A Unique Alias said…

    "I hope you like the entertainment industry . . . or perhaps banking. That's all the conspiracy controls right now, so there's not much more I can do at the moment."

     
  • At October 31, 2005 6:43 PM, Blogger Mybrid said…

    You should have told him, "You know what, I'm at a disadvantage because I can't tell whether YOU are Jewish" as you turn your eyes below the belt...

     
  • At October 31, 2005 9:07 PM, Blogger Stef said…

    Ah, bus stories. My worst one? The guy in front of me peed on my feet. I was wearing sandals.

    Really, your drunk guy sounds like he was just a bundle of misplaced sympathy -- apologizing for a bombing and a broken nose? If only he wasn't an idiot, maybe he could've been a nice guy. But yeah, you're better off driving!

     
  • At October 31, 2005 10:11 PM, Blogger Phil said…

    This man clearly knew how to recover gracefully from a social faux pas.

    I can see his mind working feverishly "Ok, ok...not jewish, nose was not broken...think! I'll distract her and ask for a job...yes! she'll feel sorry for me and forget I stereotyped her incorrectly, then drew attention to a perceived flaw....if she turns me down, then I'll segue into asking her if she's having a baby...women love babies! it's a 'can't miss'!"

     
  • At October 31, 2005 11:18 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    And, if she doesn't love it, I'll just kick it here in this bus stop in Falls Church and wait for the next person who acknowledges me.

     
  • At November 01, 2005 5:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I suspect that gent was intimately familiar with these fellas:

    [http://www.awolmachine.com/]

    Cheers, 'VJ' [No this is NOT an advert, I like mine straight up err down the gullet.]

     
  • At November 01, 2005 7:56 AM, Blogger Lucy said…

    I'm still waiting for the day when my schnoz makes me look dignified. My Mom swore it would happen someday.

    -- RC, fellow member of the Roman Nose Club

     
  • At November 01, 2005 10:45 AM, Blogger DC Cookie said…

    Oh, of course not! When I got home, my roommates and I had a good laugh. I don't find those things offensive anymore the way I used to in high school.

     
  • At November 01, 2005 11:34 AM, Blogger kris said…

    I'm pretty sure it will take me a few hours to get my chin off the floor . . .

     
  • At November 01, 2005 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Funny, you don't look Canadian.

     
  • At November 01, 2005 12:38 PM, Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said…

    Cookie, you should tell everyone about the range of guesses you get. Italian, Turkish...

     
  • At November 01, 2005 12:43 PM, Blogger Mamma Bear said…

    What is it with noses? I had a guy tell me my nose was "perfect" and asked if I had it "done" to which I replied "Do you honestly think that if I had plastic surgery it would be ON MY NOSE?" - he laughed, but I thought he was insane! I clearly would have opted for a breast lift and some lipo sculpture ;o)

     
  • At November 01, 2005 1:16 PM, Blogger Heather B. said…

    I don't think I would have been able to say anything back, but just stand there and walk in the opposit direction while praying for the bus to come, like, now.

     
  • At November 01, 2005 2:34 PM, Blogger Miss Penny Lane said…

    Interesting indeed. I woulda kicked that guy in the shins. It's like a left-handed insult.

    I have had people ask me where I got my nose done as, since I am Jewish, there is no way I could naturally have this little ski-slope nose.

     
  • At November 01, 2005 4:43 PM, Blogger Sharkbait said…

    I can't believe the nerve people have-just asking people on the street about their noses. Sheesh! To me, that would be such an awkward conversation...

    But hey I suppose someone somewhere has used it and have it work in their favor...the world is a strange place :-)

     
  • At November 01, 2005 4:48 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    At least he was being throughtful. The last time a homeless man talked to me he said, "I don't smell anymore. YOU SMELL!" To which I replied, "No, I think that's still you."

    I'd rather be accused of being Jewish than being smelly. I guess.

     
  • At December 31, 2005 12:10 PM, Blogger Barbara said…

    It's so funny how people make assumptions. I spent half my life as a Presbyterian before converting to Judaism, so I have blond hair and light eyes and look very WASPy. None of us including my 100% Jewish huband has a nose to belie our religion. My daughter Rachel had a conversation with a repairman the other day who had come to fix our humidifier which sprang a leak on Christmas day and flooded the basement:
    Man: Are both your parents Jewish?
    R: Yes. Why do you ask?
    Man: Well, uhhh, you just don't look Jewish!
    R: Well, we are!
    I guess he just couldn't connect the absence of a Christmas tree in our house with our outward appearance!

     

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