DC Cookie: What Do You Do?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

What Do You Do?

I was reading a recent re-post from one of our favourite On Tap magazine columnists who wrote: "It’s Six Degrees of Arrogance, from the guy who makes jack shit working on the Hill but talks to Senators every day, to the fellow who leases a BMW 5-series and lives in Arlington with six other buddies in a post-frat frat house. I can see why the ladies complain...So is DC doomed, forever caught in a vicious cycle of shallow women enabling insecure men?"

This concept got me thinking. What is the deal with DC's fixation on what people do for a living and how much people make? Is it because people in DC are so self-absorbed and self-promoting that if you're not a lawyer, congressman, big-time consultant, lobbyist or famous journalist (aka 'going somewhere'), you'll be spurned by the DC social circuit? I can count on one hand the number of times I've met a guy who hasn't asked me 'so, what do you do?' within the first ten minutes of our conversation. I AM a big-time consultant, but why do you want to know that so badly? Are you really interested in talking to me or are you just using me for networking purposes? Do you have nothing else of interest to discuss with me, because you spend so much of your time talking about your occupation with others who ask you that same question, that you figure it's a standard thing to discuss? Do you want to brag about your career so badly that you ask me first just out of courtesy? Do you think I won't consider you a prospect if you don't make enough money to buy me that $1.5 million house in suburbia when we get married (since, you know, we've been talking for 10 minutes, we should be weighing these issues already)? Is this the only thing that's important to you? Is this the only reason you think I'd like you, or vice versa? Do you want to know that I'm success-oriented so you're relieved of the pressure of always paying for me when we go out?

Next lucky guy I meet who touches on at least 8 discussion points that are completely unrelated to my career before asking the infamous question wins the rights to my phone number...(trust me - this isn't a risky offer on my part)!

39 Comments:

At August 08, 2005 10:03 PM, Phil said…

Yeah, but I bet you don't have a cool business card like my friend The Guv'na, who's also in consulting!
At August 08, 2005 11:52 PM, Asian Mistress said…

I personally ask what people do as a conversation piece - even though I know it's annoying to always be asked that and to always have to answer it. I guess it's just second nature to me to ask that question...and I usually don't mean anything by it.

I also ask the "where did you go to school?" question which I think can fall into the same category of annoyance.

I guess I suck at small talk haha.

I do however, hate guys who throw in things about "oh, my Benz" or "yeah, my place in --insert hot neighborhood here--"...what the fuck ever.

In DC - money isn't power. Power is money.

However, most people I run into are just pretending to have money and the only power they have is scanning and deciding what email the Senator will actually get to read.
At August 08, 2005 11:54 PM, Asian Mistress said…

Of course, for those who do not realize - I'm being sarcastic about the people I run into and what they do.
At August 09, 2005 12:01 AM, Washington Cube said…

It's been a longstanding contention that this is the first query to be asked by Washingtonians. I grew so weary of it over time that for a while I would create fictitious careers that were off the wall. That was short-lived. Now I just redirect the question completely and never answer.

I think I read in the Butterfly blog recently that this problem isn't as prevalent in NYC. I know in Boston that the first question asked is invariably "Where did you go to school?" I wonder if in L.A. it's "Are you in the industry?"
At August 09, 2005 7:50 AM, Anonymous said…

Are you really a BIG TIME CONSULTANT? Oh my god!
At August 09, 2005 8:02 AM, I-66 said…

well now I guess this means I need to think of several non job related questions to ask Cookie...
At August 09, 2005 8:27 AM, Anonymous said…

To paraphrase Dr Freud, "Sometimes a questions is just a question". Some people really are interested in what you do simply to get to know you better...

Besides, when someone asks what you do, it gives you an opportunity to tell amazing lies like "astronaut" or "call girl". Just run with it and have fun.
At August 09, 2005 8:47 AM, Adam said…

Maybe since I live in the midwest it's different here, but I always ask girls 'so what do you do?' Not for any reason other than a conversation piece or perhaps I know someone who works at the same company or in a similar field. It's not that I care so much (maybe I do) but I'd like to get to know her a little bit better, and yeah, maybe I'll ask her favorite drink or if she likes the Cubs first...but usually 'so what do you do?' comes out so easily and naturally...
At August 09, 2005 8:52 AM, A Unique Alias said…

Frankly, I'm curious about what people spend nine hours of their day doing. Is it something they're passionate about?

"So, what do you like to do?" is a much worse question than "so, what do you do?"
At August 09, 2005 9:55 AM, DC said…

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At August 09, 2005 9:56 AM, DC said…

guess it can be a conversation starter, but definitely also an annoying thing to be faced with if they start to A)name drop i.e. "oh I see Senator XXX every day or B) Department drop "yeah last week I was at the Pentagon for a briefing" at that point (if you grew up here this is an easy one) you can play right back at them... like.... your friends parents etc., I say if they want to play the game they better be working with a full deck
At August 09, 2005 10:22 AM, Kathryn Is So Over said…

I am guilty of asking this question if I find the conversation boring... but also if, like AUA said, I'm genuinely interested in knowing more about how the person spends a large chunk of their time. It's definitely not in my first five questions, but it's probably top ten.

On the other hand, I *love* it when men I'm not interested ask me what I do. I like to give them a five minute answer that starts with my big-shot marketing job, touches on the kick-ass classes I teach at the gym, and ends with a mention of my blog, with some site statistics thrown in for good measure. And then, very sweetly, I say, "So that's me. What about you?"
At August 09, 2005 10:35 AM, Johnny said…

i have to admit, i downplay what i do, and i secretly look for girls that downplay what they do to, because the fantastic truth is we are a society who would rather play than work.

and plus, the girl who says, "oh i just work for the government 9-5 m-f" has better game than the girl who says "oh im the super duper consultant for HR 973-028"

the first girl has a story to tell, and we want in. what cards are you holding, missy? are they better than mine?
At August 09, 2005 10:56 AM, Anonymous said…

I am glad someone decided to approach this topic. I hear ya loud and clear. I think women help perpetuate this whole false arrogance. These guys look like a million bucks and basically live off credit cards. The seemingly always have a lot of women chasing them because they appear to have their shit together. However, it’s all on the surface. Maybe it's biology 101. Maybe the appearance of stability and prosperity based on material things draws women to the men. Maybe it's not shallowness at all in the women's. I think it is a combination of nature and shallowness. I think by nature women are more attracted to men who are successful. The shallowness comes in when we base success on material wealth.
At August 09, 2005 11:23 AM, Anonymous said…

Tell it Anon!

Might as well take it one step further and ask why women like the big wallets anyways, and does that imply women are making less than men and if so why! And if they aren't, do they still like rich men anyways or are the attracted to the poor guys that they can save. And of course the next logical step is if this whole dynamic is societal or genetic.

Ideas!?
At August 09, 2005 11:24 AM, Anonymous said…

I am so glad I am moving away from D.C.
At August 09, 2005 11:27 AM, Miss Penny Lane said…

"What is the deal with DC's fixation on what people do for a living and how much people make?"

I couldn't care less about what people make, but I do ask what people do because I find that in DC, a lot of people have very interesting jobs. (Plus, I am on the hunt for a j-o-b myself, so it never hurts to ask!)
At August 09, 2005 11:37 AM, Anonymous said…

I suppose I should be anon1. LOL I think they fixation with the wallets is societal and also nature. Survival of the fittest is apart of our nature so the big wallets gives people a false sense of security. It has less to do with men making more than it does gender roles.
Taking it one step further, those attracted to the broke men have low self esteem and usually have WOUNDED BIRD syndrome. However, once the guy get's over the hump the woman seems to be insecure about it.
It can go that way for men as well. I have a buddy who certainly is doing well career wise. His gf is not on par with him on any level. I suppose he likes her because she is no threat to him intellctually or any other way. However, he constantly groans about how she tries to hard blah blah blah. He is insecure. BOTTOM LINE. To fully answer your question anon2 I wil call you, its societal.
At August 09, 2005 12:50 PM, Anonymous said…

Few points (IMHO):

The question is ostensibly an attempt to categorize you. These types of questions should be avoided until you've established some other area of mutual interest (sports team, favorite restaurant, whatthefuckever).

I spend on average 10 hours a day in my office. "What I do" is usually the last thing that I want to talk about. I expect that some people feel the same way, so I tread lightly around that topic.

I disagree about DC being full of interesting jobs. True, there are really interesting opportunities here, but by and large we all have one of 5 or 6 typical careers: lawyer, Hill staff, lobbyist, consultant, non-profiteer. More often than not, people's careers don't interest me.

Girls, you may not be a gold-digger, you may not care about how much money we make. But if that question comes out of your mouth within the first 5 minutes, then you've raised the presumption that you are. Which is fine, no judgment. I'm probably only talking to you because your hot anyway. We're all superficial at times.

I'm guilty of the "where'd you go to school question" because it leads to the "what did you major in" question. I think that what someone chooses to study for 4 years sheds more light on their interests and personality than what you do to put food on your table. Another great question is "what's the last non-fiction book you read." Cross your fingers and hope it wasn't a self-help book.
At August 09, 2005 12:55 PM, Anonymous said…

I'm with some of the other bloggers here when I say that I downplay my job. I might say what industry I am in...but I don't immediately say what I do exactly because I always get the same questions.
I usually don't ask what people do because I feel if it is something that they are truly passionate about...then it will come up organically. I am usually more interested in how people think. So I like to ask questions that will put them at ease, allow them to talk about themselves, as well as allow dialogue. One thing I have heard from numerous guys, is that I am a great conversationalist. I enjoy listening to people as well talking. You may ask me "what I do", but don't let that be one of the first questions you ask.
At August 09, 2005 1:01 PM, Anonymous said…

RCR...you are so witty! I love the question about the last non-fiction book. I am always wary of people who read self-help books.

As far as the "what school did you go to" question...I think after a certain age that is irrelevant, (although there are a few exceptions).

Oh...and don't ask me what I was like in high school. I don't know how many times guys have asked me about my high school days. Dude...that was 10 years ago. Yeah, so I was a cheerleader in high school...I am 29...I'm not a cheerleader anymore...GET OVER IT!
At August 09, 2005 1:25 PM, VP of Dior said…

I would be much more impressed by a guy if he asked me about the last book I read instead of where I work.

If I ask a guy about his job I honestly might be asking because I'm looking for networking (as a PR professional I'm essentially required to do it). But if I'm really interested in him I inquire about his profession because I want to know what kind of career goals he has. I want to make sure he doesn't live in a van down by the river.

"I ain't saying she's a gold digger
But she ain't messing w/ no broke ni****" - Kanye West

True true Kanye.
At August 09, 2005 1:38 PM, Anonymous said…

"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-a-r-t."
At August 09, 2005 1:45 PM, VP of Dior said…

On second thought I hope I didn't offend anyone who lives in/has lived in/ plans to live in/ makes bootleg moonshine out of a van down by the river. I mean, I know some of those vans have large cabins, but I require that my guy have an actual bed and running water.
At August 09, 2005 1:49 PM, A Unique Alias said…

"What was the last non-fiction book you read?"

Damnit!
At August 09, 2005 1:56 PM, Anonymous said…

What if instead of "van by the river," I called it my "charming yet functional pied-a-terre with excellent waterfront views."
At August 09, 2005 2:39 PM, VP of Dior said…

RCR - I would let you slide if it was on the Potomac River. You would have the biggest balls ever if you tried to hook me with a riverfront view of the Anacostia.
At August 09, 2005 2:59 PM, cs said…

I usually ask, "So would you rather die by electrocution or lethal injection?" After that icebreaker and a good laugh, it's on to talking over the favorite sitcoms.

Another good one is simply to ask, "What year did you graduate Vassar?"
At August 09, 2005 3:27 PM, Anonymous said…

Next time someone asks me "What do you do?"..I am going to say, "I don't do anything right now because it's been hard trying to land a job since I got released from prison." I think the guy will find it very charming and we will have a good laugh.

(ha ha)
At August 09, 2005 3:28 PM, Anonymous said…

I think it is all in who asks the question and how they ask? I am interested in what other people do and will ask just so I feel like I can understand their world. It is the guys/girls who carry 100 LV bags, brag about their place in South Beach and how dull DC is that I run from. Not from someone who nicely asks a simple, get to know you kind of question.
At August 09, 2005 3:29 PM, Anonymous said…

Girls ask this question more than guys and WE ALL KNOW its partly because they want to see how much the guy makes. When is the last time that one of you girls has dated a handsome, charming guy that worked at McDonald's? I rest my case. You're not going to date anyone who doesn't have a "respectable" career. I often say I clean swimming pools just so I can see how superficial the girl really is. I find it hilarious.
At August 09, 2005 3:57 PM, Miss Penny Lane said…

CHASE!! You are a prime example of someone with a damn cool job!!
At August 09, 2005 4:06 PM, Washington Cube said…

Yeah, but Chase's prison answer if great. That's what I was getting at by stating earlier that it's more fun to make up whack things.

And yes, I'll take discussing the last book I read, or new cd I've discovered, over career vitae swaps, any day...or night.

By the way, I've discovered some great new sounds just from following bloggers and their recommendations.
At August 09, 2005 4:07 PM, Washington Cube said…

Should have been "is" and it's time for me to bolt out of here. Ta's.
At August 09, 2005 6:29 PM, Anonymous said…

You are sweet MPL...thanks.
At August 09, 2005 6:52 PM, Lady Tiara said…

this question is kind of annoying, but i know i'm guilty of asking it at times. sometimes it's how you ask it. often it seems that someone is simply asking you so you will give them a 5-second answer and then ask them the same question, at which point you will be treated to a speech about their really really superimportant and fabulous job.
At August 09, 2005 7:23 PM, Anonymous said…

Cookie, I'm with you on this point. It's so stupid how "these" people try and place you into a box
Now as a man, its pretty tough, and being an artist in this town makes dating down right impossible.
I almost never ask someone what they do for a living until I've gotten to know THEM fairly well. Funny thing is, I'm not even sure what half the guys in the CPMC actually do, do for a living! WHO CARES!!
At August 09, 2005 10:12 PM, DC Cookie said…

Wow - I go to NYC for a day for "big-time consulting" business meetings and look at all this conversation going on without me!

I think Anonymous at 7:50am wants to meet me... (remember, I use some artistic liberty in my posts - take that as you will)

Elvis - I like your line...
At August 10, 2005 1:13 PM, Anonymous said…

Honestly...i hate the question as much as the next guy but if you think about it.....why on earth would you be in this area if it wasn't for a specific job that keeps you here.....Not sure about you, but I would rather be bartending at a beach somewhere.....year round. So, in an effort to find out more about a person you meet, what you do is a relevant question. Also relevant because if you know she's jobless and broke you also know that you're the only one buying the dinner and drinks..........lol

-The Mayor