DC Cookie: Nectar of the Devil

Friday, August 05, 2005

Nectar of the Devil

You are at a bar. You see a cute girl. You want to chat with her. Usually the move here is to tell her you'd like to buy her a drink and ask her what she likes. Under 'some' circumstances, usually in a group situation, you might end up purchasing shots instead. Maybe you know two of her friends, and the friends are suggesting you all do shots. At any rate, you want to stay on your A-game to attract the girl. Words of advice...

DO NOT BUY HER A JAGERMEISTER SHOT!!!!

I repeat. Jagermeister is the nastiest crap that only really dumb-ass frat boys drink to get fall-down wasted. Ladies do not need to be imbibing that sewage. It is just foul. I know you don't want to buy her a purple hooter for the sake of maintaining your male dignity, but you still don't need to resort to jager to prove your manhood.

Stick to Soco and lime, or a kamikaze. The ladies will appreciate that you were thinking of their well-being, and your friends won't make fun of you for being a sissy. You want to give her a little buzz so she relaxes around you, you don't want her to puke on you. Trust me...jager is NOT an A-game beverage.

45 Comments:

At August 05, 2005 12:22 PM, Kathryn Is So Over said…

Buy her Nuts & Berries or a Buttery Nipple! Girls love those.

Also, Jager is Sloppy Fuel. Deep Throat got some spilled on her when we were out Wednesday night. NOT cute.
At August 05, 2005 12:23 PM, Adam said…

I've had girls send me over a jaeger-bomb before...

I just tell the bartender to get them another round of whatever they've got...
At August 05, 2005 12:24 PM, I-66 said…

I hate Jager with a passion. Evidently I don't do enough to get this point across because one birthday a couple years ago one of the girls tells me she's gonna buy me a shot and dashes off, telling me to come by the bar in a couple of minutes... So I show up and she whirls around to present me with my birthday shot and before I can finish "it's not Jager is it?" I'm given a shot of Jager.

I took it, don't get me wrong, I won't regularly turn down a shot, but I wasn't too happy about it. I wouldn't order it for myself or anyone (unless I knew they loved it which would likely make them entirely strange)... I am, however, a fan of the Dirty Bong Water shooter -- it never fails to come through.
At August 05, 2005 12:53 PM, Miss Penny Lane said…

Actually, I have started to like Jaeger again...maybe it all goes back to my obsession with black licorice, which I think it kinda tastes like. My girl friend and I do shots of it while playing Connect 4 at Atomic Billiards. ;)
At August 05, 2005 1:08 PM, I-66 said…

go for the glory, go for the score, watch for it...
At August 05, 2005 1:20 PM, Linz said…

give me tequila!!!
At August 05, 2005 1:26 PM, Anonymous said…

I love jaeger, but would only give it to people who appreciate it.

However, mixing it into a red headed slut seems to work well. I always enjoy asking the bartender for one just so that I get to say "red headed slut".

A simple man with simple desires.
At August 05, 2005 1:27 PM, DC said…

this is really trashy but guaranteed a funny reaction... if you walk up with a blowjob shot and say in dead pan voice...."would you like a blowjob?" happened to me once and I snarfed my martini through my nose....not pretty, however funny.
At August 05, 2005 1:43 PM, DC Cookie said…

Blow job shot reminds me of spring break. Great shot, but probably not the best idea if you're trying to see the person again beyond that one night. Nuts and Berries shot...very tasty, but manly enough for the guy to participate?

Red-headed slut, jager bomb...doesn't matter how hard you try to mask it the jager is still in there - blech!
At August 05, 2005 2:00 PM, Mamma Bear said…

I prefer lemondrop shooters. But I am an alcoholic ;o)

Adam - agreed. Better to offer up what they are currently drinking.
At August 05, 2005 2:02 PM, Miss Penny Lane said…

OK, I have to ask. What is a "red headed slut," besides myself?
At August 05, 2005 2:03 PM, I-66 said…

agreed, Cookie... The first red-headed slut I ever took I had no idea jager was in it. After I took it I looked down the bar at my friend who'd bought it for me (knowing I disliked jager) and she wouldn't make eye contact with me. I should've known!
At August 05, 2005 2:06 PM, I-66 said…

MPL: I believe cranberry juice, peach schnapps, jager..

..anyone else?
At August 05, 2005 2:12 PM, DC Cookie said…

Something like that. Similar shot to red-headed slut is the 'surfer on acid.' Fruit and licorice flavours mixed - double ew!
At August 05, 2005 2:23 PM, Washington Cube said…

Red-Headed Slut Shot:

1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur
cranberry juice
At August 05, 2005 2:25 PM, Washington Cube said…

HA...God I typed that in that shot recipe too quickly. I think I'm ready for the weekend. I hate Jaeger, btw. I know some women who drink it with Red Bull, and I'm sorry...it's nasty.
At August 05, 2005 2:28 PM, Anonymous said…

I love jager. I did jager for my 4th year fifth. But that's another story...

As much as I like it, I would never order for a lady. I'm with Linz - I would go with Patron. If she can't handle a good tequila shot then we have no business dating anyway. I need a woman, a lover, a drinking partner.
At August 05, 2005 2:30 PM, Anonymous said…

Mind Eraser is a good one also. That one creeps up on you.
At August 05, 2005 2:31 PM, Anonymous said…

Thank you!!!! So true.
At August 05, 2005 2:36 PM, Kathryn Is So Over said…

I did SoCo for my fourth year fifth. Good times, shots out of ziploc bags, and puking in the street.

There will be Goldschlager at my place tomorrow night.
At August 05, 2005 2:50 PM, Anonymous said…

Hey Cookie, would a stoli vanilla shot be acceptable? ;)

P.S. - Tequila (aka Takillya) is the true beverage of Lucifer.
At August 05, 2005 2:52 PM, Anonymous said…

Is there an Eat Up shot? If not there should be.
At August 05, 2005 3:07 PM, DC said…

If a girl wants to take the upper hand... doing a three wise men shot is always guaranteed to get some respect.
At August 05, 2005 3:07 PM, Linz said…

tequila is the best shot because you only need one to get the party started and you can almost not even drink for the rest of the night...at least that's how i roll ;o) i can't be mixing all of those liquors. It's either a shot of tequila and beer for the rest of the night, or nothin' but Bourbon, baby!
At August 05, 2005 3:21 PM, I-66 said…

re: Eat Up shot...

I was once bought, by an un-named assailant, something called a "Muff Diver" which was the color of a mudslide with some assorted alcohol in it, topped with whip cream and SURPRISE! a slice of HAM at the bottom of it.

Later on I had to drink a cactus fireball aka. prarie fire which can best be described as TnT... Tequila n' Tobasco. Lethal.
At August 05, 2005 3:40 PM, Anonymous said…

I HATE jaeger, too!
I love shots of Grand Ma....yum!
At August 05, 2005 4:09 PM, Phil said…

In the vein of 'asscorn', perhaps we should come up with some new names for shots. They are always ridiculous sounding, rarely have anything to do with whats in the shot, and typically of a sexual nature.

Some naturals (and I woulndt be suprised if these already exist):
The Cleveland Steamer
The 'Brown Eye'
The Bearded Clam

Others?
At August 05, 2005 4:31 PM, Anonymous said…

Balloon Knot
Trousersnake Bite
Hot Roast Beef On Rye
Goldschlager Shower
At August 05, 2005 4:36 PM, I-66 said…

"The Money Shot"
At August 05, 2005 4:38 PM, DC Cookie said…

Dying laughing...

Phil/RCR: I think you guys are onto something here!
At August 05, 2005 4:41 PM, Phil said…

Love HRBOR, RCR. Maybe you can call it a "harbor" for short.

How about

Gonnorhea on the beach
Bigfoot's D*ck
At August 05, 2005 4:43 PM, DC Cookie said…

Gonorrhea on the beach sounds like it would have jager in it...
At August 05, 2005 5:22 PM, Anonymous said…

I like "The Money Shot"...
At August 05, 2005 7:40 PM, Anonymous said…

First off Cookie, Ive never known you to turn down a shot; and something as nasty as Jaeger means you have to follow it up with something else...

and folloing it up with something else means theres a better chance of following it up with something else...

Sounds like this guy knew what he was doing... and I approve!
At August 05, 2005 8:09 PM, DC Cookie said…

Depends if the guy wants to see the girl past that evening. If so, jager is a no-no.
At August 05, 2005 11:18 PM, Washington Cube said…

For Phil and RCR:

The Bearded Clam:
1 oz Crown Royal® Canadian whisky
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 splash cranberry juice
Pour all ingredients over crushed ice in a cocktail glass. Stir, and serve.

Brown-Eyed Pucker:
1 - 2 oz DeKuyper® Sour Apple Pucker schnapps
1 - 2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
12 oz can Pepsi® cola
Pour the DeKuyper Sour Apple Pucker into a tall glass. Add the Bacardi 151 rum, then add the Pepsi (alternatively, use Dr. Pepper). Stir and serve.Serve in:
Collins Glass

Trouser Rouser:
1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky
1/2 oz creme de bananes
2 oz mango juice
1 oz pineapple juice
1/2 oz lime juice
1 tsp egg white
Shake and strain into a Collins glass three-quarters filled with broken ice. Garnish with a sprig of mint and a cherry, and serve.

Money Shot:
1/3 oz sloe gin
1/3 oz advocaat liqueur
1/3 oz cherry brandy
Carefully layer ingredients on top of one another in a shot glass, in order; gin bottom, advocaat middle, cherry brandy top.

Golden Shower:
1 oz banana liqueur
1 oz rum
Sprite® soda
Stir rum and banana liqueur with ice. Fill with sprite, and serve in Collins glass.

Gonorrhea Cocktail:
ciprofloxacin, ofloxacin, cefixime, ceftriaxone, and axithromycin.
At August 06, 2005 12:24 AM, Anonymous said…

Haha...
They all sound pretty good; too bad you have to bring a prescription to the bar for the Gonorrhea Cocktail (isn't there a dash of bitters in that one?)
At August 06, 2005 10:06 AM, Phil said…

Yes! I'm going to have a bearded clam when I get to Playaz Ball.
At August 07, 2005 9:58 PM, The Captain said…

Wow, I feel so left out. Am I the only one here who enjoys the simple pleasures of a Cape Cod, a.k.a. cranberry juice and vodka?

It's so easy, but it's what I love. I don't need any of these crazy butter nipples and bearded clams. Just give me some cranberry juice and some good vodka.
At August 07, 2005 10:03 PM, Phil said…

I'm with you Cap'n. Makers & Coke or Makers & ginger ale are my drinks of choice. I don't even know if they have an official name or not. But they are damn good. And if it's going to be a shot, just give me a straight up shot. Bourbon, vodka, whatever.

I don't want "Santa Claus's Pubic Hair" or whatever absurdly named shot you've concocted.
At August 07, 2005 10:03 PM, The Captain said…

Oh, and just so no one feels sorry for him, I've apologized about thirty times over the years for that Cactus Fireball I gave I-66. He still won't forgive me.
At August 07, 2005 10:34 PM, DC Cookie said…

Now we know what to buy him on thursday!
At August 07, 2005 10:53 PM, Anonymous said…

Originally there were two airborne divisions, 82nd Army Airborne and the 101st Army Airborne, aka Screaming Eagles.

101st was deactivated for a time after WWII, but has been on and off. 82nd are still around but in the modern age, noone really parachutes into zones anymore.

Air Cavalry was the next generation of combat troopers to hop around in choppers (think Nam). Those guys wore stetsons and drank like cowboys.

Nowadays when you want to hit em hard and fast, you ask for Delta.
At August 08, 2005 7:55 AM, I-66 said…

Dude, I was over a huge potted plant outside of Friday's teetering on the edge of vomiting for 10 minutes.

I have a long memory.
At August 08, 2005 3:04 PM, Anonymous said…

Don't be a pussy. Jager rules.