Friend Zone

The term ‘friend zone’ doesn’t mean ‘just friends.’ (Remember my Harry/Sally theory). The friend zone occurs when the relationship just isn’t going in the direction that one or both parties originally thought it might. The romantic possibilities come to a halt. How you get there can vary depending on the situation. Sometimes one party doesn’t make enough time for the other. Sometimes the physical chemistry is there, but one party doesn’t want the emotional responsibility of a label. Sometimes the physical chemistry isn't there. Sometimes one party is too shy to admit how he/she is feeling about the other and opportunity subsides. Sometimes one party has an overly passive personality and the other party perceives this as lack of interest. Sometimes the perceived lack of interest really IS a lack of interest. Sometimes one party is too aggressive and the other party gets scared. Whatever the case, how do you know when you’ve hit that friend zone and it’s time to give up? From Cookie’s perspective, these are some of the tell-tale signs that it's time to divert your romantic interest elsewhere:

• He/she used to e-mail, call or text you once or twice a day, randomly. Now he/she writes once a week. (Often, the once a week communication starts off with the words 'sorry, I've just been so busy').
• He/she used to try to hook up with you all the time. Now he/she claims to be too tired (or worse, blames you for being sleepy). If the person is feeling you, sleepiness is not a factor.
• He/she calls you 'buddy' instead of 'sweetie.'
• He/she doesn't ask you to join when he/she is socializing in the evenings with friends.
• He/she wanted to know what you were up to all the time, but now he/she doesn't really ask. Or when he/she does ask, he/she doesn't respond with much enthusiasm.
• He/she used to be available on the weekends. Now he/she is only available on Monday nights.
• He/she just wants to 'go with the flow' (traditional man-speak for doesn't want to commit).
• He/she doesn't ask you on dates.
• He/she doesn't respond (or just giggles) when you say something romantic.

Can you return from the friend zone once you're in it? Rarely. When you recognize that you are on the very brink of the friend zone, there are drastic tactics you can use to salvage the romance (e.g. sneak over to his house wearing very sexy lingerie, give him/her a surprise romantic gift like a homemade CD or flowers, be very blunt in a discussion about your situtation, stop contacting him/her or responding to him/her and hope he/she notices, send him/her sexy photos, tell him/her you've met someone else and flaunt it...) but to be honest, most of these strategies just end up backfiring. I say, accept it and move on. There are plenty of other worthy candidates out there who do have time for you and who do want to offer you an appropriate amount of passionate attention. Stay proud, it's not a big deal, these things just happen. Besides, having another 'friend' is never a bad thing.