Girls Poop
Sorry to disappoint, but we do. It’s Mother Nature. However, there are certain female ‘rules’ to doing these things politely that are sometimes forgotten. Inspired by some ladies who have had very poor etiquette in the bathrooms at work lately, here are some courteous tips for gracious pooping:
- There are four stalls in the bathroom. If someone is in the first stall, don't go in the stall right beside her! Go to the one on the end. We need things to remain as private as possible.
- If there is a woman in a stall and you notice she hasn't peed in a little while, she is clearly there to do the deed and would like everyone to be out of the bathroom if possible when she does (you often hear a sigh or a mini cough so that the other person in the bathroom knows she's there). Don't stay and braid your hair or do your makeup in the mirror while she's clenching her butt cheeks and wincing. Very poor form!
- If you know you're about to poop, spray a little of that lemon scented freshener into the air first. It doesn't smell great, but it smells a LOT better than the alternative.
- Courtesy flush please! Immediately! I don't care if you don't think it smells...it does!
- And for the kicker...WASH YOUR HANDS! I have seen women just rinse the tips of their fingers with water, or worse, just walk out without washing at all. That is so disgusting! Put your entire hand into the water, spray soap, lather up and cleanse. You just wiped your poop-hole! Come on!! It takes 10 seconds. We're ladies, not boars.
posted by DC Cookie @ 11:13 AM
28 Comments:
At July 29, 2005 11:55 AM,
Anonymous said…
hmm.
At July 29, 2005 12:07 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Ingenious response. Are you one of those non-hand-washers?
At July 29, 2005 12:16 PM,
I-66 said…
I was once under the misguided belief that women never did -- if only for never having been privy to it. Then one day one of our friend's then girlfriends came over and clogged our toilet. Awful. Talk about a vision-shattering experience.
At July 29, 2005 12:28 PM,
DC Cookie said…
OMG! I did that at my ex-boyfriend's parents house the first time I met them. Thankfully, he helped me out of that sticky situation before they noticed.
At July 29, 2005 12:35 PM,
Phil said…
My sister in law clogged her boyfriend's toilet, which then came up through their bathtub drain.
Photos and everything. It was phenomenal.
At July 29, 2005 12:36 PM,
A Unique Alias said…
Everybody Poops.
At July 29, 2005 12:37 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Why is it that poop and fart stories never cease to make me laugh? How old am I?
At July 29, 2005 12:39 PM,
I-66 said…
It was like finding out that Santa didn't exist or something... I mean, not only did we find out that women DO indeed poo, we had a clogged toilet on top of that. She left either embarassed for having done it and not wanting to own up to it, or not knowing it had happened. I finally entered the bathroom wearing ski gloves and carrying a hammer. When I wasn't attacked (I feared whatever what was in the toilet might be capable of) I took a plunger to it - problem fixed.
...and now I'm jaded.
At July 29, 2005 1:03 PM,
Asian Mistress said…
Hahaha thanks for the laugh all...I-66 and Phil especially...damn!
At July 29, 2005 1:55 PM,
Lady Tiara said…
very funny post. i am habitually horrified by the non-hand-washers. what are these people thinking?
At July 29, 2005 2:19 PM,
I-66 said…
Reason enough to use the paper towel you dry your hands off with to open the bathroom door when you exit. It's somewhat difficult here because the trash is not right by the door, so I have to pull it open, hold it with my foot and lean and throw the paper towel away. It's a little work but I prefer that and having clean hands to the alternative and having someone else's poo particles on me.
At July 29, 2005 2:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
Distgusting.
At July 29, 2005 2:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
An ex of mine came to a BBQ at my sisters house. After 4hrs she took me aside to tell me she's been "holding" it for like 3hrs. I responded with "you have drugs on you" She comes back with "No you dork I have to poop" I say "so go in the basement, no one every goes down there" She does, 20 minutes later, my sister comes back outside to announce that the toilet downstairs is "OVERFLOWING" Knowing abit about plumbing I go to take a look. I shit (no pun ;)you not, the damn toilet was shooting up like old faithful! I took care of the problem and shouldered the blame like a good boyfriend should. To this day my sister never invites me over for BBQ's. Oh, and on the car ride home complete silence on her end, she felt bad, wrongly so of course. So I turn to her and say "You washed your hands right"? We laughed all the way home after that.
At July 29, 2005 2:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
Great to see a post on Fecal Matter today.
At July 29, 2005 2:51 PM,
Phil said…
OK...one more good female-poop story. I heard the story from one of her female friends (she would have never owned up to it herself).
A co-worker of mine (female)was returning from lunch with aforementioned friend, when the overwhelming desire to poop overcame her. The office nowhere near, she was forced to stop at a gas station where she then proceeded to do her business. Unfortunately, there was a line of patrons waiting to use the restroom behind her. We all know the "walk of shame" when you leave behind the stench of having obliterated one's facilities, but worse for this girl, the toilet would not flush. Absolutely mortified, she told her friend she scooped out each of the turds from the bowl and deposited them into the garbage can, covered with paper towels.
The image of this girl fishing out her poo one by one had me laughing for months.
At July 29, 2005 2:53 PM,
DC Cookie said…
EEEEEEWWWW!!!
At July 29, 2005 3:00 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Please note: Phil's profile has a tagline for plastic bed sheets that refers to 'diarrhea.' Coincidence?
At July 29, 2005 3:08 PM,
I-66 said…
that's terrrrrrrible I hope SHE washed her hands.
At July 29, 2005 3:27 PM,
Anonymous said…
And the GOLD goes to PHIL! WOOOAHHHH!!!
At July 29, 2005 4:01 PM,
DC Cookie said…
We poop - but as ladies we're required to be private and subtle about it (unless we reveal that we do it on a public forum. But, this was only serving as a reminder to be graceful even when poop happens).
At July 29, 2005 4:17 PM,
Phil said…
Cookie: Total coincidence I have that question in my profile. Just the other day I changed the question and that's what came up.
Obviously, I love this subject.
At July 29, 2005 4:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
DC Cookie...you don't know how tempted I am to print out your post and put it up in the bathrooms here at work!
What I truly hate is when you have to pee and you go to the bathroom and the person that just took a dump is leaving...so you have to hold your breath and pee...and then when you come out of the stall other people are walking in and they smell the stench and they assume it's you. THATIS THE WORST!!!
Producer and Phil...you guys made me laugh out loud!
At July 29, 2005 4:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
Phil has been on a total roll this week. The gold-plated something or other to him.
At July 29, 2005 4:44 PM,
Phil said…
OK I have one more. It's not a female-poop story but a personal one, and its in reply to Poetintenn's question of "what place do you look for" out on the road.
Personally, I am like several of you females. I hate crapping in the office. Too many distractions.
So one day, I am on the way back to the office when I am hit with that poop-wave that says "you ain't going to make it, brother". Giving away a clue as to what I do in real-life, I had a key to this fantastic office building that was completely vacant and had top-notch facilities. This was my fail-safe, and I often went there during the day if I had to go.
So I veered off the road and headed to this empty office bldg. Of course, it was awful. So I finish up, and hit the flusher. Nothing. Hit it again. Nothing. Beads of sweat begin to form. They have turned off the damn water. I have no choice but to leave it as it lies.
A few weeks later, one of our property managers gets a call to go do something for some property owner (believe it or not, the same girl in my previous story). I hear her say "well, I hope it isn't as bad as the "________" building" (the very building I had left the 'unpleasantness').
At July 29, 2005 4:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
^5 to Phil. ::::placing laurel wreath on his brow:::
At July 29, 2005 5:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
All right...I wasn't going to do this but here goes:
When I was in college, I did temp work during the school year for the university, and I always worked in the summer. At one point, I was assigned to go work for the Commandant of the ROTC on campus. The nice thing about this temp service was, I would get paid at the salary level of the person I was replacing.
I arrived early one morning and was setting up to work. No one else had arrived yet. There was a Hispanic man cleaning the offices (why in the a.m. I have NO idea), and at one point I went to use the private bathroom we had in the offices, and there was a turd two yards long coiled around repeatedly on itself. I made an immediate exit, but when I came out, the cleaning man was standing there, staring at me with this horrible sick grin on his face. :::shudder::: Cookie? You have totally wrecked my Friday night.
At July 29, 2005 5:13 PM,
DC Cookie said…
Cubie: sorry - not my intention!
How about a government agency in Indiana that we had as a client that had to put reminders in the bathroom stalls to "please refrain from leaving human feces on the toilet seats. This is a health hazard for all your fellow co-workers." HUH?
At July 29, 2005 5:51 PM,
Anonymous said…
GROSS!! People can be disgusting!
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